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Emotions & cancer

Cancer has emotional effects that may last for some time. Often it might seem like an emotional roller coaster ride when you’re diagnosed. Throughout treatment and afterwards you may be reminded of your cancer because of changes to your lifestyle and body.
 
Getting professional help to deal with your emotions may be helpful. Call Cancer Council Helpline 13 11 20 to talk about your options.
 
The information on these pages is part of the booklet Emotions and cancer, and covers the following topics.
Dealing with the diagnosis
 
Many people feel shocked when told they have cancer. You hear it but don’t believe it could happen to you It’s normal to ask ‘why me?’ or to feel sad, angry, helpless and worried about the future. You might be worried that you’re going to die. This is when talking to your doctor and finding out about your cancer can help control your first fears.
 
You might feel angry with family, friends, yourself and your doctors. Anger is a natural reaction to the interruption that cancer causes. Don’t feel guilty about your thoughts or moods.
 
Don’t blame yourself – we don’t usually know the cause of your particular cancer.
 
Everyone reacts differently. Your fear, anger and guilt may only last a few days or a few weeks.
 
It is hard – but don’t lose hope. The outlook for many cancers is constantly improving with some cancers being cured, while others can be controlled. Living with cancer and its treatment can be frightening. What you hope for may change along the way.
 
Telling others 
 
Sharing your diagnosis isn’t easy – especially if you feel uncomfortable talking about personal matters.  You might be uncertain how you or the people you tell will respond.
 
Letting other people know what is happening to you can help you through difficult times. You don’t have to face it alone, or worry about hiding your feelings.
 
You need support – try not to shut others out.
 
Tips for telling others
  • Break the news when you feel ready.
  • Try to pick a time and place where you feel comfortable and everyone is listening.
  • Ask for help. Family or friends may be able to tell other people if you don’t feel like it.
  • Be prepared for questions. People will want to know what treatment you’re having etc. Answer their questions if you can.
  • Draw boundaries. You don’t have to share every detail with everybody.
What about the children?
 
Children usually guess something is wrong, even if they don’t know what it is. Telling children gives them the chance to ask questions and express their feelings too.
 
Your children may also need reassurance that your illness isn’t their fault. If they don’t know what’s wrong, they can imagine the worst, fell left out or angry.
 
What and how much to tell children depends on their ages. If you don’t feel up to it, ask your doctor or a trusted friend or relative to help.
 
Find out more
 
When a parent has cancer - how to talk to your kids  (from the NSW Cancer Council)
See For young people on this website
 
Helping children cope
 
Children can find the changes that come with cancer diagnosis and treatment difficult. How they react will depend on their age. Young children may become insecure and want to be close to you all the time, or behave badly to get attention.
 
Older children may think that they are being asked to do too much – or feel torn between staying home or spending time with friends.
 
Tips
  • Tell them how you’re feeling on a regular basis.
  • Give them the chance to talk about their feelings and fears.
  • Answer their questions simply and honestly – ask the doctor to help you.
  • Tell them that you love them.
  • Do things together – watch TV, read a story, help with homework.
  • Ask other people in their life to give them extra attention.
  • Tell them that they can’t catch cancer.
Sharing your feelings
 
You may find it hard to talk about your feelings, but oftenpeople find that it helps them cope with the ups and downs of cancer and its treatment.
 
Only you can decide when you’re ready to talk about your feelingsand to whom you share them with. It’s OK to tell people you’re not ready to talk and that you’d rather wait for another time. Sometimes you might want to be alone.
 
If you would like more company, or people to talk to who have had similar experiences, a support group may help or call Cancer Council Helpline 13 11 20 for information about our Cancer Connect program.
 
Cancer is difficult for everyone affected by it – your friends and family included. They might feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say and they may be worried about how you will react and what to do if you cry.
 
Remember that other people need to express their feelings too. They may have the same fears and anxieties and need as much information as you do. Or they may feel angry.
 
Let people know if their behaviour upsets you. It may help you, or them, to talk to a counsellor, or someone outside your immediate circle. 

Easing the way with friends
 
Most people will want to support you – they just may not know how to. They may wonder if you want company or to be left alone, to talk about your cancer or not.
 
When they say ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help' – tell how they can best help you.
 
Your friends still care about you, even if they stay away. They may not be able to cope with their feelings or know how to respond to a change in appearance.
 
Here are some suggestions as to how you can help. 

If you would like to talk to someone, call Cancer Council Helpline 13 11 20
 
Find out more 
Go to our Online library - Care and support section 
   Read Emotions and cancer
 
Support services - find out about our education programs, support groups, counselling, practical assistance
 
 
American Cancer Society > see Coping with physical and emotional changes   
CancerBackup UK > see Resources and support  
National Cancer Institute > see Cancer topics, then Coping with cancer  
CancerNet > see Coping



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